


A Little Carried Away

by zarabithia



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-09-17
Updated: 2007-09-17
Packaged: 2019-05-21 14:15:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14916903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zarabithia/pseuds/zarabithia
Summary: Kon gives Tim a present. It doesn't have quite the disastrous results Tim thought it would.





	A Little Carried Away

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cero_ate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cero_ate/gifts).



Tim wasn’t a precog, but he could still list exactly three hundred twenty-two ways that taking Bart and Kon shopping could have ended in disaster, and that was just off the top of his head. Had Tim taken the time to truly think each scenario through to every off shoot of the worst possible conclusions, he might have come up with even more ways the trip could go wrong.

But by the time he’d reached three hundred twenty-two, Cassie had been tapping her foot and looking annoyed, so Tim had stopped his counting, rapidly shook his head, and politely as possible declined her offer before retreating to his Tower room.

He’d hoped that hiding out in the room and looking over mission reports would have saved him from any fallout of the trip - after all, technically Cyborg was in charge. Failing that, Kory and Gar were senior Titans, so really, if anyone was responsible for dealing with the disasters, it was one of them.

In retrospect, Tim really should have known better.

But since he didn’t, he received a rousing reality check in the form of one super-powered farm boy bursting into his room, with Bart right behind him.

“Nice of you to knock,” Tim remarked, quickly closing the laptop and moving it out of harm’s way. That turned out to be a very good thing indeed, as the laptop had barely been moved before it was replaced by a carelessly thrown package from Kon.

Delivery complete, Kon made himself at home on the left side of Tim’s bed. “Nice way to greet people who come bearing presents.”

“So did the Greeks,” Tim pointed out, picking up the package warily.

“Better not let Cassie hear you say that,” Kon answered with a smirk that widened as Bart grew tired of vibrating in Tim’s doorway and ran over to Tim’s bed.

“Youhavetoopenitnowplease,” Bart requested as he made himself at home on the other side of Tim’s bed. “He wouldn’t let me see what he got you and I wanted to soopennow. Please?”

Digesting that, Tim looked at the package and then looked at each of his friends in turn. “What’s the occasion?” he asked, gingerly turning the gift over in his hands.

“No occasion,” Kon answered with a shrug. “I saw it and thought of you. “

“But I wasn’t there,” Bart said with a sad little sigh. “The line for the ice cream stand was _miles_ long, and the guy at the counter took forever to make my quadruple scoop cherry-banana split. So I missed what he got youandIwasgood and didn‘t peek sopleaseletmeseenow?”

“You can open it, you know.” Kon rolled his eyes and propped his head in his hand. “It’s not going to explode.”

Tim was glad he was still wearing his mask so neither of his friends could see his relief. “Are you sure?”

Kon scowled. “No, Tim. Actually, it might explode, because deep down, _in my genes_ , I’m really that evil.”

“Huh?” Bart looked confused in the kind of way that made Tim think of Impulse, which hurt almost as much as what Kon had just inferred, but before Tim could correct Kon’s assumptions, Bart interrupted, “But deep down in your genes, you share DNA with Superman, and that’s not evil at all.”

“Never know,” Kon grumbled bitterly. “Might just take over the world someday. Or plan to.”

“Kon, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Why would you want to take over the world? You’re a superhero and superheroes can’t take over the world. Oh! Is it like Pinky and the Brain? But that’s no fun because there’s only two of them, and there’s three of us, if we don’t include the rest of the Titans which isn’t nice but is fair because it was us three first kinda like it’s always Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman and then the rest of the JLA and besides Kory, Gar, and Cyborg have Nightwing and the rest of the old Titans -”

Tim was actually very grateful for Kon’s slap to the back of Bart’s head.

“Ow! So..which one of us is Pinky and which one of is Brain? And which one of us is ..” Bart frowned. “Nobody?”

“Clearly, Tim is Brain, and I get to be his evil sidekick,” Kon answered.

“And I’m nobody?” Bart looked so sad at the prospect that Tim wondered if Dick would get upset if he personally beat up Wally.

He’d have to come up with a plan, first…

“No, you’re Yakko and Wacko,” Tim answered quickly, even though he knew it wasn’t quickly enough for Bart. “Dot, too, if want.”

“Really?” Bart brightened a bit at that then frowned. “But they aren’t mice. They’re cats.”

“Hmm. No, they’re bears, I think.”

“Excuse me. Before you get into a highly scientific and theoretical conversation about what species the Animaniacs are, could you maybe open the present I got you first?” Kon interrupted with a glare.

“Sorry.” Despite the promise that the present wasn’t going to explode, Tim was very careful as he unwrapped his gift.

When he saw what the present was, Tim suddenly felt very foolish for his caution, and he would have apologized again, if he hadn’t been so confused.

“It’s…very nice, Kon,” Tim said finally, holding the Nightwing plushie up.

Kon smirked as he used his elbow for a pillow. “I figured you’d like it. It comes with removable clothing,” Kon paused long enough to tug at the little blue pants that were not nearly tight enough to be _Nightwing’s_ pants. “And it’s completely washable. You know, in case you get a little carried away with the fantasy.”

Tim narrowed his eyes behind the cowl. “Which fantasy might that be, exactly?”

Kon’s smirk grew wider. “You have more than one fantasy about Nightwing?” he asked.

“You should have brought it accessories,” Bart commented.

“Accessories?” Kon shook his head. “No, Bart, I think the hard-on that Tim has for Nightwing is gay enough without adding shopping for accessories to it.”

“Not those kind of accessories.” Bart shrugged. “You know, toys and stuff.”

Tim continued to pretend he wasn’t actually there as Bart leaned over and waved the stuffed Nightwing’s arms before holding them in a criss-cross position above his head.

Tim didn’t make any comments about how impossible that exact position was to maintain, even with an acrobat’s flexibility and the restraints of his choice.

“Ah, the kinky shit?” Kon asked, and at Bart’s nod, shook his head. “Yeah, that’s gottta be more the Bat department than the Super, if you catch my drift.”

“Nightwing and Batman have told me otherwise,” Tim pointed out, and the observation was rewarded with a vaguely nauseated look that Tim took as just desserts.

“Ew,” Kon announced, followed by a shudder that he completely deserved. “Way TMI, man. Waaaaaay TMI.”

“So says the man who brought me a Nightwing plushie to use as a sex toy.”

“That’s different!” Kon protested.

“I fail to see how.”

“People use dolls all the time for sex,” Bart pointed out, and Tim gave him the benefit of the doubt that it was supposed to be helpful. To Kon, maybe.

“Yes. Really sick and depraved people use dolls all the time for sex,” Tim agreed. “And really desperate ones.”

“Well, man, it’s not like you have much of a social life,” Kon pointed out and Tim was pretty sure that he wasn’t trying to be remotely helpful. “And we all know you have a Nightwing _thing._ “

“It’s not always for sick and depraved people,” Bart contradicted. “Sometimes it’s for therapy.”

“There’s a joke waiting to be made there, too,” Kon managed to say between guffaws.

Tim sighed. “This conversation has assured me that I am by far the sanest person in the entire Tower. If anyone needs therapy in this room, it is not me.”

“Aw. Does that mean we don’t get to play ‘show us on where on the doll Nightwing touched you?’ Because that could be fun.” Bart accentuated his comments by grabbing the doll and waving it by the arms.

Kon snorted and gave the doll a little flick to the behind. “Take less time to play ‘show us where on the doll Nightwing _didn’t_ touch you.’”

“Yeah, but my doll would get more Tim touching,” Bart answered.

“Yeah. My doll probably wouldn’t get any Timmy touching at all,” Kon admitted, and he almost sounded regretful about it.

Which, of course, dictated Tim’s next actions completely.

Not having a doll in his hands anymore, Tim pushed Bart gently onto the bed. “Bart’s doll would get touched here,” Tim said, starting with his lips, because the memory of that first quick kiss on the roof of the clock tower was a nice one. At Bart’s wide-eyed, but curiously quiet look, Tim continued, running a trail with only his index finger to accentuate his words. “And here.” Bart’s chin. “And here.” Bart’s Adam Apple. “And here.” Bart’s collar bone. “And here.” Bart’s left nipple. “And here.” Bart’s right nipple. “And here, here, and here.” Bart’s chest. “And here.” Bart’s navel. Ah, really good memories there.

By the time Tim reached the belly button, Bart was vibrating gently beneath him, and Tim cocked his head and looked into his friend’s golden eyes. “Do you get the point, or should I continue?”

“You should definitely stop,” Kon said and Tim began lifting his finger, only to have Bart send the Nightwing doll flying across the room as he reached up and grabbed Tim’s finger.

“I don’t get the point at all,” Bart said solemnly. “Youshouldreallycontinue.”

“Funny. You aren’t usually this slow,” Kon grumbled, and Tim ignored him by continuing his trail, patiently tracing each outline of each hipbone.

“Gotta let the rest of you catch up,” Bart answered, his shiver growing in speed as Tim’s fingers dipped lower.

“And here.” Bart’s left thigh. “And here.” Bart’s right thigh.

A slight growl came from Kon. “Nice. And where exactly would my doll get touched?”

Tim smiled, reached over and brushed each eyelid before returning to Bart.

“You know, I’m the one who brought you a present. It seems completely unfair that Bart’s the one getting all the Timmy touching.”

“You want Timmy touching?” Tim asked innocently.

“No. Yes. Maybe.”

“I think he does,” Bart offered as Tim moved to a spot that brought the most pleasant Nightwing associated memories of all.

“I don’t know. He did bring me a Nightwing plushie. Not a _Superboy_ plushie.”

“I didn’t bring you a Kid Flash plushie either,” Kon grumbled.

Tim was interrupted by the flurry of movement beneath his fingers. He barely had time to register that Bart was gone before he was back again, bearing two plushies in his hands. One Superboy, one Impulse. “They didn’t have any Kid Flash plushies,” Bart explained. “But I’m the only one who’s ever been Impulse, so it’s good enough.”

Kon picked up the plushie bearing his likeness and waved it in the air. “I think we should play ‘where on the doll hasn’t Kon been touched by Tim,’” he announced.

“But I brought the presents,” Bart protested, waving both the Nightwing and the Impulse plushies at Kon in irritation.

“But I brought him one first,” Kon argued. “I guess Timmy has quite a dilemma.”

“Actually, he doesn’t.” Tim plucked both plushies from his friends’ hands and sent them flying in the general direction of his laptop. “Because he has two hands.”

“But only one mouth,” Kon felt compelled to notice.

“True. But Bart has a mouth, too.”

“And I vibrate!” Bart added. “So it’s not Tim touching, but still a good deal.”

By the enthusiasm Kon showed in stripping Bart of his clothing, Kon seemed to think a vibrating mouth was a pretty fair deal indeed.

Tim had to agree. Moreover, he had to admit, as one hand began assisting Bart’s mouth and the other began assisting _Bart_ , that this was nothing at all like the disaster he’d imagined when he’d first heard about the shopping trip.

It hadn’t been in any of the three hundred twenty-two possible scenarios at all.

He'd have to work on his analytical skills.  But that could wait.

Right now, Tim was determined to show his gratitude to Kon and Bart, both for the presents and for proving him wrong.


End file.
